Nobody Talks About This Part of Motherhood

Understanding Matrescence: The Emotional Transition Into Motherhood

You spent months preparing for your baby. You researched strollers, car seats, feeding schedules, sleep routines, and nursery furniture. You attended appointments, read books, listened to advice, and did your best to prepare for one of the biggest transitions of your life.

But what many mothers aren't prepared for is how much they themselves will change.

If you've ever found yourself wondering:

• "Why don't I feel like myself anymore?"
• "Why am I so emotional?"
• "Why do I miss parts of my old life?"
• "Why does motherhood feel harder than I expected?"

You are not alone. And there may be a reason for what you're experiencing. It's called matrescence.

What Is Matrescence?

Matrescence is the physical, emotional, psychological, social, and relational transition that occurs when a person becomes a mother. Much like adolescence describes the transition from childhood to adulthood, matrescence describes the transition into motherhood.

Yet despite how significant this life change is, many women have never heard the term before. During matrescence, mothers may experience changes in:

• Identity
• Relationships
• Priorities
• Confidence
• Body image
• Career goals
• Friendships
• Emotional wellbeing
• Sense of self

This transition can begin during pregnancy and continue long after a baby is born.

"I Love My Baby, But I Miss My Old Life"

One of the most common experiences mothers hesitate to talk about is grief. Not grief for their baby. But grief for the life they once knew.

They may miss:

• Freedom and spontaneity
• Time alone
• Career aspirations
• Social connections
• Their previous relationship dynamic
• Their former sense of identity

Many women feel guilty admitting this. They worry it means they are ungrateful or that something is wrong. In reality, it is possible to deeply love your child while also mourning parts of your previous life. These experiences can exist together.

Why Motherhood Can Feel So Lonely

Motherhood is often portrayed as a joyful and fulfilling experience. While this can certainly be true, it can also be isolating.

Many mothers spend their days caring for others while neglecting their own needs. Some feel disconnected from friends who are in different stages of life. Others struggle with a lack of support, relationship changes, sleep deprivation, or the pressure to "do it all."

When these experiences aren't openly discussed, many mothers begin to believe they are the only ones struggling. They aren't.

The Mental Load No One Talks About

Beyond the physical demands of caring for a child, many mothers carry an invisible mental load.

• Remembering appointments
• Planning meals
• Managing schedules
• Tracking developmental milestones
• Coordinating childcare
• Thinking ahead for everyone else's needs

This constant mental responsibility can contribute to feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, exhaustion, and burnout. Many mothers tell themselves they should be coping better. Often, the issue isn't that they are failing. It's that they are carrying far more than anyone realizes.

When Matrescence Feels Overwhelming

For some mothers, the transition into motherhood can contribute to:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Increased self-criticism
• Relationship challenges
• Loss of identity
• Emotional overwhelm
• Perfectionism
• Feelings of loneliness

These experiences do not mean you are a bad mother. They mean you are navigating a major life transition. One that deserves care, support, and compassion.

How Counselling Can Help

Counselling offers a space where mothers can focus on themselves — sometimes for the first time in a long while. Therapy can help you:

• Understand the changes you're experiencing
• Navigate identity shifts
• Manage anxiety and overwhelm
• Strengthen self-compassion
• Improve communication with your partner
• Process difficult emotions without judgment
• Reconnect with yourself during motherhood

You do not need to wait until you reach a breaking point to seek support. In fact, many mothers find counselling most helpful when they begin exploring these changes early.

You Are Becoming, Too

When a baby is born, a mother is born too. And just as we give babies time, patience, and support as they grow, mothers deserve the same.

Matrescence reminds us that motherhood is not simply an event — it is an ongoing process of becoming. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, uncertain, or unlike yourself, know that you are not failing. You are adapting to one of life's most profound transitions. And you don't have to navigate it alone.

Perinatal and Postpartum Counselling in Vancouver and Across BC

At Wellness Talks Health Centre, we support mothers through pregnancy, postpartum adjustment, matrescence, identity changes, anxiety, relationship challenges, and the many emotional experiences that can accompany parenthood.

Whether you're preparing for motherhood, adjusting to life with a new baby, or trying to reconnect with yourself during this transition, support is available.